Letter to the Editor of "The Sun"

Dear Editor,

When I get a new copy of "The Sun"  I read the whole thing slowly over multiple subway rides, cups of coffee, and pedicures.  I have always cherished the fact that I can savor the entire issue without encountering ads.  I regard this as a gift rarer than hen's teeth.

However, after reading the letter from a reader encouraging "The Sun" to include "tasteful advertising such as one finds in 'Smithsonian'" in order to avoid fundraising drives, I feared I might be missing out.  I picked up the issue on top of my stack of "Smithsonians." Within were 40 advertisements. 

Nine of these were ads for tours and cruises.  I couldn't decide which was the most tasteful.  Was it the picture of the three white people in a boat on an African river gawking at an elephant on the adjacent bank, the woman dressed like Meryl Streep as Isak Dinesen in "Out of Africa?"  Or was it the one that exclaimed simply, "BOTSWANA!"? 

Three ads appeared from the same jewelry company which features the elegant "lab-created DiamondAura."

Three ads for limited edition coins, and three from a collector seeking unspecified "artifacts" followed.  (Hey, wanna come up and see my artifacts?)

Then came ads for hearing aids, shoes, shirts, pajamas, language programs, earrings, glue, puzzles, coffee pots, floor mats, car insurance, one charitable organization, and bow ties.

I was now drowning in culture.  What could save me?  Wait!  Ads for medication with names like a quartet of Greek goddesses -- Lovaza, Lipitor, Lyrica, and Celebrex.  Respectively, they preside over excess fat in the blood, high cholesterol, diabetic nerve pain, and arthritis.

Then I saw it -- the pinnacle of good taste.  I quote it verbatim,  in its entire perfection:

"Athena Pheromones (TM), Biologist's Formula.  Unscented fragrance additives for men and women.  Enjoy More Affection With Biologist's Pheromones.  Developed by Dr. Winnifred Cutler, co-discoverer of human pheromones in 1986.  'I am a physician and retired a couple years ago.  And I go with a woman in her 30's.  Let me say this:  10X works!  I could tell you more, but I had better not!' - Ted (M.D.), PA.  4-6/mo supply - 10:13 for women $98.50, 10X for men $99.50.  www.Athenainstitute.com, 610-827-2200."

After seeing for myself, I must join the throngs of deprived readers clamoring for "The Sun" to include advertisements.  And I go with a man in his fifties who feels the same way!

Sincerely,

Babka 

Manhattan, New York